Fighting Without Fighting: Tips for People Who Don't like Getting Punched in the Face

Getting punched in the face sucks.

There’s a real art to fighting without fighting.  Generally, it’s not too difficult to avoid getting punched in the face or duking it out on the mean streets of wherever you’re from.  Not being an asshole usually cuts it.  But not always.  Some people, for whatever reason, always seem to be looking for a fight, extending an invitation at the slightest provocation.  Not the people who are ready and/or willing to fight should the need arise.  I’m talking about those rage-overdosing, foaming-at-the-mouth primates who shatter a half-full pint of beer on the ground in outrage because someone bumped into someone else who accidentally bumped into him.  Or her.

For the pacifists out there—for those who prefer not getting punched in the face (or anywhere else)—when this type of situation presents itself, it takes finesse, and a little extra finagling, to outmaneuver a determined adversary.  But, before you go any further, please read the following disclaimer:

Release of all liability:  By reading this article, you agree that, should any and/or all of these methods fail to prevent you from getting into a fight, you will not hold Kinda Kind responsible for any subsequent injuries.  While some have worked for me in the past, I have no factual basis proving the viability of any of these methods.  Do not assume for one second that these are proven or backed by fact:

THEY AREN’T.  Rather, they merely seem like reasonably logical hypotheses.


Be Bigger Than Your Opponent

It’s always seemed